i dont know why im so stressed
actually i do lol. im fuckin fed up of this place. no freedom. even in what i wear do and say. i spend all day thinkin "oh god i cant do that cos that'll make/cause/look (insert a problem)
i even just had a go at harley for not wanting to hang out with my other friends inc. paul n that. which i am pissed off about but they all do it not just him it just makes me feel so streched trying to keep everyone happy, not feeling like ive let anyone down and all that bullshit. i dont go out during the day cos its too much effort to go anywhere and i hate the feeling of being judged by everyone thats under 25 and walks past me. i mean i just walked to the health centre and back in a baseball cap and everytime i walked past someone i thought "they know im wearing this hacos my hair is greasy they must think im well disgusting for not washing it before i came out" it just highlights how much i fucking hate living here. i know a lot of it is in my head but it was drummed into said head when i started school so how the fuck am i supposed to shake it off! i try i really do at least i can actually go outside with greasy hair under a cap now. 2 years ago that would never have happened.
i hate that i yelled at harley and in all honesty id have shut up about it and apologeised by now if he hadnt called me a cunt. i fucking hate that word, yes i know i say it when im drunk but it doesnt bloody mean i use it all the time its horrible, its timbre and tone are horrible and whoever came up with that word should be fucking dug up reserrected and then made into pidgeon food whilst still alive.
i need to get away. i need to go somewhere without politics about caps and shoes and combinations of clothing. and i need to have one group of friends not 3 that never interract.
HELP
EmLah at 3:54 pm
actually i do lol. im fuckin fed up of this place. no freedom. even in what i wear do and say. i spend all day thinkin "oh god i cant do that cos that'll make/cause/look (insert a problem)
i even just had a go at harley for not wanting to hang out with my other friends inc. paul n that. which i am pissed off about but they all do it not just him it just makes me feel so streched trying to keep everyone happy, not feeling like ive let anyone down and all that bullshit. i dont go out during the day cos its too much effort to go anywhere and i hate the feeling of being judged by everyone thats under 25 and walks past me. i mean i just walked to the health centre and back in a baseball cap and everytime i walked past someone i thought "they know im wearing this hacos my hair is greasy they must think im well disgusting for not washing it before i came out" it just highlights how much i fucking hate living here. i know a lot of it is in my head but it was drummed into said head when i started school so how the fuck am i supposed to shake it off! i try i really do at least i can actually go outside with greasy hair under a cap now. 2 years ago that would never have happened.
i hate that i yelled at harley and in all honesty id have shut up about it and apologeised by now if he hadnt called me a cunt. i fucking hate that word, yes i know i say it when im drunk but it doesnt bloody mean i use it all the time its horrible, its timbre and tone are horrible and whoever came up with that word should be fucking dug up reserrected and then made into pidgeon food whilst still alive.
i need to get away. i need to go somewhere without politics about caps and shoes and combinations of clothing. and i need to have one group of friends not 3 that never interract.
HELP
EmLah at 3:54 pm
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EmLah
