this week felt really really long lol
i think mainly cos on tuesday i worked myself up into such a state over what i thought was really bad hayfever or asthma that i had an anxiety attack at work, well they weren't the only contributers to it there was also the fact i don't particularly like/get on with my mumso she spends the entire rideto work trying to converse with me when i really dont ahve anythin to talk to her about, so she'll then start bitching about dad for the rest of the journey she doesn't understand that even tho i hate what he's done to us as a family i dont hate him, i dislike him a lot at times but i don't like listen to her bitch about him for 40 minutes EVERYDAY! then of course theres dad himself his drinking is driving me insane he's got about 2 hours worth of personality left a week or that show it seems cos most of the time hes totally oblivious of EVERYTHING . and then of course there's not seeing Andy ever! and quitting smoking. so this basically led to a mini nervous breakdown. which was an experience. i just wish mum would realise that maybe if she cud react to silence or some comments with something other than a noise i wud make to someone without any brain power or perhaps not taking everything i say as a dig as opposed to constructive critiscism or even me just repeating soemone elses words then i mite just be able to live with her! lol
i have a total of 15 days til i see andy about 18 til reading and then about 20 odd days after that til i go back to uni. i just hope i can last that long else i may start climbing walls!
so if mum wud just lose the martyr complex (EVERYTHING SHE HAS DONE SHE HAS CHOSEN TOO) and dad would just stop drinking (BUT HE NEVER WILL EVEN THO IT GAVE ME AN ANXIETY ATTACK) and Andy wud move down here (but he can't cos of cricket and being tractor driver 2 and all. my summer wud definately improve. i think the thing mum doesnt realise is with the addition of the 1 hour journey to and from work i actaulyl talk to her more than i have in the last 5 years. or maybe even ever! ugh.
but i did land a modeling contract with StandOut Model Management so thats a good thing ;)
EmLah at 7:57 pm
i think mainly cos on tuesday i worked myself up into such a state over what i thought was really bad hayfever or asthma that i had an anxiety attack at work, well they weren't the only contributers to it there was also the fact i don't particularly like/get on with my mumso she spends the entire rideto work trying to converse with me when i really dont ahve anythin to talk to her about, so she'll then start bitching about dad for the rest of the journey she doesn't understand that even tho i hate what he's done to us as a family i dont hate him, i dislike him a lot at times but i don't like listen to her bitch about him for 40 minutes EVERYDAY! then of course theres dad himself his drinking is driving me insane he's got about 2 hours worth of personality left a week or that show it seems cos most of the time hes totally oblivious of EVERYTHING . and then of course there's not seeing Andy ever! and quitting smoking. so this basically led to a mini nervous breakdown. which was an experience. i just wish mum would realise that maybe if she cud react to silence or some comments with something other than a noise i wud make to someone without any brain power or perhaps not taking everything i say as a dig as opposed to constructive critiscism or even me just repeating soemone elses words then i mite just be able to live with her! lol
i have a total of 15 days til i see andy about 18 til reading and then about 20 odd days after that til i go back to uni. i just hope i can last that long else i may start climbing walls!
so if mum wud just lose the martyr complex (EVERYTHING SHE HAS DONE SHE HAS CHOSEN TOO) and dad would just stop drinking (BUT HE NEVER WILL EVEN THO IT GAVE ME AN ANXIETY ATTACK) and Andy wud move down here (but he can't cos of cricket and being tractor driver 2 and all. my summer wud definately improve. i think the thing mum doesnt realise is with the addition of the 1 hour journey to and from work i actaulyl talk to her more than i have in the last 5 years. or maybe even ever! ugh.
but i did land a modeling contract with StandOut Model Management so thats a good thing ;)
EmLah at 7:57 pm
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